Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealin
Tired of livin like a blind man
I'm sick of sight without a sense of feelin
And this is how you remind me

This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
of what i really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin
And I've been wrong,
I've been down
and to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream are we having fun yet?
Ya?, Ya?, Ya? ...No no(x2)

It's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause livin with me must have damned near killed you

And this is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin
And I've been wrong,
I've been down
and to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream are we having fun yet?
Ya?, Ya?, Ya? ... No no(x4)

Never made it as a wise man
I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
And this is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how you remind me
Of what I really am

It's not like you to say sorry
I was waiting on a different story
This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin
And I've been wrong,
I've been downto the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head
Scream are we havin fun yet?
Ya?, Ya?Oh, are we havin fun yet?,
Ya?, Ya?Oh, are we havin fun yet?,
Ya?, Ya?Oh, are we havin fun yet?, Ya?, Ya?....No no

-Nickleback-

And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

-Goo Goo Dolls-

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I’m a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you’re even around in the holidays, hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I’ve been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I’m an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you’re subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It’s completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening’s debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

5. The “hook-up.” Need I say more?

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You’ve been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don’t know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,

Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative

2. Preliminary

3. Proliferation

4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity

2. British Constitution

3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you’re not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn’t it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn’t. No one wants to hear me sing.

Why Cats are Better than Dogs

1.Cats purr. Dogs drool.

2.Cats are much cleaner than dogs - they wash all over. Dogs are only interested in licking the one bit... Especially when you are eating.

3.Dogs have to be walked, rain or shine; cats do not! Let your average dog out on the street alone, and it will either get lost or run over. They have no common sense.

4.Cats rub your leg when they want affection, not when they're "in the mood".

5.Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg. And at least cats bury theirs. Dogs just leave that pile of shite right there for you to step in.

6.In 1996 over 10,000 U.S. deaths were attributed to a dog owner's choking on saliva during morning wake-up licks.

7.Cats always land on their feet. Dogs just won't let you throw them.

8.Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.

9.Cats look cute sleeping on the t.v. Dogs just crash right in front of the screen.

10.Fewer cat owners suffer from "Flappy Tail" lacerations than dog owners.

11.No one has ever had to "Beware of the Cat".

12.Cats bury their "presents". Dogs dig up others'.

13.Cats have better things to do than stick their nose in your crotch.

14.Why do you think they call it "Dog Breath?"

16.Dogs are undignified - begging is pathetic

17.Subsevience doesn't equal intelligence - he's a pack animal, and he's programmed to kiss your ass - it's his instinct. Cats are more picky about their friends. Lets face it, any asshole can find a dog to love him.

18.Dogs smell. And they downright stink when they are wet. Your average cat would have way more sense than to get caught out in a rain shower in the first place.

19.Garfield. Odie. Enough said

20.Cats are graceful and have decorum. Dogs are sloppy, clumsy and undignified. What's with the whole 'tongue hanging out' thing anyway? Not a good look.

21.The whole 'go fetch a stick' thing. Endlessly entertaining for a stupid dog. The cat just goes - "If you want it so badly, YOU get it! And why did you throw it away in the first place then? Yawwwwn!"

22.Dogs chase and very often even bite valuable citizens who are just trying to do their jobs, such as postmen, paper boys and garbage disposal guys. See #21.

Thought Provoking!

Reasons for not believing in god:

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?" - Epicurus

See sites below!

http://quinnell.us/religion/reasons/index.html

http://www.punkerslut.com/short%20essays/reasonsnottobelieveingod.html

Osho on Meaning of Life

Why can't I see any meaning in life?

Osho:

Life in itself has no meaning. Life is an opportunity to create meaning.
Meaning has not to be discovered: it has to be created.
You will find meaning only if you create it.
It is not lying there somewhere behind the bushes, so you can go and you search a little bit and find it.
It is not there like a rock that you will find.
It is a poetry to be composed, it is a song to be sung, it is a dance to be danced.
Meaning is a dance, not a rock.
Meaning is music. You will find it only if you create it. Remember it.
Millions of people are living meaningless lives because of this utterly stupid idea that meaning has to be discovered.
As if it is already there.
All that you need is to just pull the curtain, and behold! meaning is here.
It is not like that.
So remember: Buddha finds the meaning because he creates it.
I found it because I created it.
God is not a thing but a creation.
And only those who create find.
And it is good that meaning is not lying there somewhere, otherwise one person would have discovered it -- then what would be the need for everybody else to discover it?

More here:

http://oshospeak.blogspot.com/

Hell Freezes Over...

The following is a question given on a University of Liverpool chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my freshman year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Sandra kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

This Made Me Smile....

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists youtell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients.
You got to love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir,what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick,"he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said,

"You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private".

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others,if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

The doctor's office erupted in laughter.

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning,
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you